What do you think of the idea of creating a 'list' of what you want in a dating/marriage partner?
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Post-Read Activities:
Have students create a list. Lists could be done in one class period, or it could be a lengthy assignment in which they develop their own categories, justifications behind the items they choose, and even use different media (video, song, etc.) to document their list.
Have students create a fashion show. This could be staged live, or it could be a presentation of pictures taken from media that display the three types of dress described in the chapter: dress that is sloppy and unflattering, dress that is attractive but accentuates a person as an object, and dress that is attractive, but modest and brings attention to the person's personality. Students could create slideshows or photo albums to present and discuss what they found.
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After having an argument over whether arranged marriages were better than people choosing their own partners, Sheena Iyengar (a psychologist) and Raymond Fisman (an economist) conducted an experiment on how people choose their partners in dating. A detailed explanation of their study and results can be found here and also in chapter one of Malcolm Gladwell's book, Blink.
People participating in the study were invited to a speed dating even in which they would spend four minutes with each member of the opposite sex before rotating to the next person. The day before the speed dating event, participants were asked to rank how important certain attributes were in a potential partner. The categories were attractiveness, shared interests, sense of humor, sincerity, intelligence, and ambition. Immediately after each date, they would rate the other person on how they scored in each of the categories. At the end of the night, they would mark on a card which people they would like to meet again for a real date.
The next day, participants were sent an email asking them to again rank how important different attributes were in choosing a partner. After taking the survey, they were given the names of people with whom they had a mutual interest in seeing again.
A month later, participants were again sent an email asking them to rate how important those same attributes were in picking a partner. And here is where it gets interesting.
The attributes that women listed as being important to them were not always the same attributes that they were attracted to. For instance, a woman might mark that she valued ambition and intelligence as being most important, but then be most attracted to guys that were attractive and had a good sense of humor. That is not surprising - what we know will make us happy in the long run and what we think will be fun now often conflict. However, the next day, when women filled out the survey again, they would mark the attributes that they were attracted to, not what they had marked as being important before they did the speed dating. So two days after saying what she really wanted was ambition and intelligence, the same girl would mark that humor and attractiveness were most important, matching what she wanted to the guy she was most attracted to.
However, a month later, when women took the survey again, they would rate the same qualities as being important that they had claimed before the speed dating. In other words, once she forgot about her hot comedian date, she went back to wanting a guy that was ambitious and intelligent.
What does that mean? Which one does the girl really want? The one she says she wants, or the one she picks? Which one is more likely to be good for her and make her happy - the one she picks with careful thinking and consideration, or the one she picks in the moment? Those are difficult questions, and Iyengar and Frisman could not agree on what exactly the results meant. However, I would propose, based on the number of women that end up in really detrimental relationships, that women are better at picking with their mind what is really good for them.
In any case, what the study shows is how easily women can change their 'list' based on meeting a guy they are attracted to. Once a woman is aware of this vulnerability, she can counteract it by making a very careful, well thought out list, and then enforcing it upon herself and not changing it while under the influence of a guy.
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